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“Despite the perpetual rain, the sordid merchants, and the Homeric vulgarity of its carriage drivers, she would always remember Paris as the most beautiful city in the world, not because of what it was or was not in reality, but because it was linked to the memory of her happiest years.” - Love in the Time of Cholera, Gabriel Marquez Garcia

I’m reading (continuing from three months ago, because ‘reading for pleasure without needing to write an essay’ is unthinkable while at uni) this right now, and I came across this passage which is breathtaking in its beauty and truth. A case of someone else setting down what I’ve always felt and never said (c/f Alan Bennett!).

It always amazes me how much places become infused with the memories of certain experiences or people (and I guess obliquely, people are experiences). I don’t think I could ever conceive of Oxford or London without certain people; London would be much sadder and without half its excitement/charms for me without Someone, for example. Paris – which is, for me also, the most beautiful city in the world! (although I didn’t encounter the ‘Homeric vulgarity’ of any carriage drivers….what is  Homeric vulgarity?) - is so linked to memories of experiencing winter and Christmas in all their European glory: vin chaud from outside St.-Pierre-de-Montmartre; chocolat chaud; crepes in Montmartre and the Quartier Latin; the Christmas market along the Champs-Élysées!

The Seine.

One lives out one’s life in emotionally distorted spaces: every walk along the Thames or every step in the Tate Modern becomes value-laden, feeling-laden – it constantly gestures back to another time and another feeling. The problem arises in time, because people fade in and out of one’s life and places do not (although there is the transience of rooms and homes, which is another matter entirely – I guess I’m thinking only about cities here). I suppose when that day comes traversing along streets of happy memories will be the saddest thing of all.

Until then though – there is little or no seeing places for what they are in ‘reality’, as Garcia writes; the only reality they have is one which is redolent of anticipations and fears, filtered through desires or one’s particular and momentary mood on a day.

This is also wonderful and not all sad, in its own way: stories lie over cities for me like palimpsests; London is never just my London but has traces of Dickens’s London, and Austen’s; Naipaul’s and Virginia Woolf’s.  Paris is never just my Paris but Djuna Barnes’s and Jean Rhys’s; Choderlos de Laclos’s, Flaubert’s. I cannot dream of New York divorced from Fitzgerald’s Gatsby, or Dos Passos’s Manhattan Transfer. Places become soaked in the memories of books too, and while I may romanticize this excessively, it definitely adds infinite amounts to their beauty and charm for me.

Parisian streets.

Edit: Oh golly! And merry Christmas everybody! That was a bit of a downer note to end a Christmas post on, now I think of it….!

I just finished watching the second season of Boardwalk Empire, which means that the rest of my holidays are going to feel strangely, sadly empty and devoid of television. I don’t watch many TV shows (which makes me an inexperienced commentator, I guess), and there is absolutely no question of returning to Gossip Girl which, though always enjoyably and gloriously stupid, has surpassed even itself in recent seasons (or so Wiki-ing the synopsis indicates).

Though Boardwalk Empire has been (wrongly, unfairly!) likened to a “beautifully tailored empty suit” by a few dissenting voices, I think it’s gorgeous. Beautiful cinematography (the colours – sets and costumes – are stunning!), lovely atmospheric soundtrack, historical accuracy with an almost pathological attention to minute historical details… what ain’t to love? The Prohibition era was one of the most interesting periods of American history, flung into the melting-pot of burgeoning modernity and whatnot. (I’m reading about secularization right now, and while I don’t understand much… the writer talks about how some theories of secularization suggest that with secularization comes the privatization and marginalisation of religion, especially in the face of scientific post?/modernity – and yet the Prohibition is very, very much a manifestation of religion actually entering, affecting, transforming the public and allegedly totally ‘secular’ sphere in a radical way. As indeed are things like Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin, I guess…)

I started watching Boardwalk Empire while writing my essay on 1920s/30s Parisian film and literature, and while European avant-garde BE’s Atlantic City ain’t, the general cultural shifts brought on by modernity seem by and large the same – particularly in terms of gender relations. Of course BE depicts the rabid misogyny that was so much a structural aspect of its era, but I find it fascinating how it also shows the sheer dynamism of different types of women, how they each react to their restricted (or not) circumstances and carve out (or not) an autonomy for themselves within their domestic spaces etc. Some women fail miserably at escaping the domestic space even as they challenge the heterosexual structuring of that space (Jimmy’s wife); some are caught between church and illegal brewery (as exciting a binary as any), running from religion and unable to escape. Etc etc. It’s a historical snapshot that seems aware of the issues it inevitably raises with that historicity, but it takes (some) time and trouble to explore them. Some of the possible things one could read into it – questions and doubts about faith, whether faith is a positive influence or not – are (I feel) still relevant and interesting things to think about. (Is Nucky’s absolute lack of it, in any religious or non-religious sense, meant to suggest that faithlessness is sociopathic? Does religious faith do some basic paradigmatic thing right, if not in any actual doctrinal sense – where it seems to be inversely evil, almost, à la van Alden.)

But these are only retrospective thoughts; readings and projections, not – I think – any grand intentional social/theological critique or debate on the behalf of the writers and directors. Although I have noticed a lot of Scorsese films play on the same themes of faith/no faith, good/evil (and the sheer difficulty, if not downright impossibility, of this binary); maybe he set the tone for the series with his pilot episode? The best thing about Boardwalk Empire really is the fact that it’s a cracking story – one which sometimes makes Nucky-like sociopaths out of us all in our ability to approve of, if not enjoy, peoples’ heads being blown off with Tommy guns – which presents an indelible feast for the eyes. Atmosphere is everything; one should never underestimate how many nostalgic fantasies people can harbour – television, films and books are all such people can turn to. I’m certainly – maybe unfortunately, because Midnight in Paris was really quite bad – of the Scorsese/Woody Allen school of living in the past a little bit.

Reality trying to mirror fiction (or front book-covers, anyways) as closely as possible.

A few days ago (though it feels like light years and lifetimes) I was sat in the college library – which smelled of dead rat, one (or some) of which was presumably beneath the floorboards… – and frantically hashing out an essay on Djuna Barnes, Jean Rhys, and ‘cinematic bodies’. Don’t ask me what that latter is, because I just don’t know!

But feelings of exaltation, desperation, pessimism and general agony all aside, I came across a couple of songs which really should go onto any soundtrack built to accompany the reading of Jean Rhys’s early fiction – all novels or short stories about sad and desperate women, seeking solace in drink & loving Paris but desperate to look right (think size 0 culture is bad? Imagine living in cosmetics heyday…)

Compliments of my iTunes on shuffle, I give you two particularly relevant songs (or two nice atmospheric songs with relevant lines which really make sense and seem poignant and heartrending/lifechanging after 12 hours in the library aka ‘ratland’):

1. Dance Anthem of the 80s – Regina Spektor. Note particular aptness of those climactic lines towards the end: “I went walking through the city, like a drunk but not, with my slip / showin’ a little, like a drunk but not, and I am / one of your people, but the cars don’t stop…”

2. Chelsea Hotel no.2 – Leonard Cohen. Just because it’s sad and about hotels, and all of Rhys’s heroines live out their sad lives in dingy little hotel rooms (which almost, in the final analysis, seem kinder than the world outside!). This could be the bathetic end to one of those novels.

 

I wish I had the patience to trawl through the worrrl’ wide web and/or my iTunes (which is quite big, insolent though it is to use ‘and/or’) and find more songs so I could build a decent ‘OST’ to the (cinematic ho ho!) reading experience that is reading Rhys. Unfortunately I don’t.

But I will leave everyone with these beautiful lines from Barnes’s Nightwood anyhows; that book confused me a whole lot, but moments like this one pop out at you and make you sad and exalted and astounded all at once.

“as a lover we are beginning to forget dwindles and wastes; for love and life are a bulk of which the body and heart can be drained…”  (Nightwood)

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Back in The UK with them lovely sunsets again (and with Instagram, to boot!).

I don’t really have time to read the news here, since there is just (already) too much work and too many books to read. Too many long words and complicated theories of time and whatnot that I can’t get my head around…

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So I have decided that I will update this blog in such a way as to incorporate my work….with book reviews and literary rants! If all my reading and work goes well, I will, hopefully, finish Woolf’s ‘To the Lighthouse’ tomorrow and Joyce’s ‘Ulysses’ by next Tuesday.

(Ha. Yeah, I know. Ulysses in a week. Tried it before. It didn’t work. One only can hope.) Well, at least y’all can follow me on this odyssey (hohoho) and see how I do!

View from inside college.

View from window

Birds.

….I’m back in Oxford! One doesn’t realise how much one loves places or cities until one has to go away, or come back. I’m so glad I have another year there, even though it’ll pass probably as fast as – if not faster than – the past three years have. Wonder if anyone else feels suddenly too old, hurtled to a point they never intended to reach by life itself (and more such unexpected stops along the way). I sometimes do.

But whatever. OXFORD. SOON. A place I love filled with people I love. Can’t wait to be back!

 

 

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